Hello all, Happy New Years Eve! Can you believe we made it through another year already? 2018 literally flew right past. I can’t say it’s been a bad year nor can I say it’s been great either.
My Mental Health
I have come to the realization that there’s no quick cure for depression and anxiety. I still have my mood swings but I have learned to manage my feelings more effectively. I’ve been more open and expressive and I figured out what my triggers were and a lot has to do with my surroundings/environment and generally the things I consume myself with, most specifically, social media which I’m trying to pull away from. Also, I adapted healthy coping mechanisms like journaling, music therapy (I also had sessions with a professional therapist), and allowing myself to take more mental breaks & having self care days doing things I enjoy and not letting the stress of my job follow me home anymore.
This year I got comfortable with being alone which allowed me to build a lot of confidence. Physical fitness was one of the best therapies for me. The absolute only time my mind is completely clear and stress free is when I’m working out, it’s truly the most euphoric feeling ever! For 2019 I’m looking forward to consistent physical fitness and activities like yoga, kickboxing, healthy eating choices and trying out natural alternatives to antidepressant meds like hemp & CBD oil. I’m speaking my happiness into existence!
After the storm comes a rainbow.
Bad times don’t last forever.
Through every dark night, there is a brighter day.
My Social Life: Friendships & Relationships
Over the past four years since being diagnosed with depression, I lost a lot friends. I no longer have a best-friend or a big group of friends I can turn to or depend on. It’s pretty sad but some people are just temporary and are only meant to be in your life for a moment and not a lifetime. People grow apart and that’s ok.
The real ones will always stick around but in my case it was barely anyone that did, but at the same time did I put in any effort to keep them? Nope. I still pushed them all away by isolating myself . As I’ve grown overtime and have come to understanding my mental health issues I’m now open to friendship again.
The problem now is having to re-learn how the hell to make friends again after staying to myself for so long even though I’m a natural introvert. So, consequently my social life in 2018 was pretty much nonexistent due to the fact I was so focused on improving myself and staying busy with work and school this year. But, all year I’ve been dying for more fun and adventure in my life.
There were so many events I wanted to go to but I had no one to do them all with, so I lost out on a lot of experiences. Although, I’m still open to meeting new people I’m not letting the fact that I don’t have a lot of friends hold me back from going out and doing the things I want to do. If I have to go on solo missions, so be it.
Quality over quantity is most important when it comes to the people you have in your life.
God removes to replace.
As far as relationships goes, I’m still single and have been for quite some time now. I haven’t had a real adult relationship yet and I never had any desire to just jump into a relationship out of loneliness. During my singleness, I embraced being alone, I had a lot of time to fall in love with myself and shape myself into a great woman so that the right person will gravitate to me. It took me a long time and great heartache till I discovered my worth. I know what I deserve, I will never settle for less and I know exactly what I want now.
If my next relationship comes in 2019 or after.. I promise to keep it a PRIVATE relationship (not a secret relationship – there’s a difference) And no more wasting time in situation-ships. Also, I’m not making the mistake of sharing my relationship issues with other people ever again. People will know that we’re together but they will not know about our business. Peridot!
I want someone I can grow and build with, not someone who will hold me back. I am not perfect and I don’t expect them to be perfect, but I still have my standards & values and I hope they do too. I don’t need anyone to try to fix me because I’m not broken. I just want someone to love and support me while I work through things on my own. And vice versa, I’ll be there for them every step of the way to make sure they are succeeding and being the best person they can be..in openness, in love, in respect, honesty, trust & communication.
My Career: Goals & Finance
Let’s just say, my money management skills was in
fucking shambles this year. I would just spend, spend, spend and no investing or saving. Pay day would be Friday and I’d be broke and looking stupid by Monday. I set goals but ended up accomplishing three out of ten this year. I procrastinated and was scared of my own potential that I did nothing.
I learned the hard way that a goal without a plan is just a dream and that’s exactly what I did this year, dreamed and wished. I take full responsibility for not being ahead in my career goals. But, no more excuses! now that I’ve wallowed in my pity it’s time to actually make some changes and get my shit together.
2019 is all about being on my way to financial freedom, new beginnings, saving, budgeting and investing. Even if I have to sacrifice not going on any vacations this year in order to get out of debt, it will be so worth it. I’m going to stop sharing my goals, instead I’m going to just start doing more and saying less.
If you’re not happy with your situation, change it.
Things I’m Leaving Behind In 2018:
- Uncertain relationships
- Fear and self doubt
- Poor money management skills
- Negativity – I’m not arguing with nobody and letting them disrupt my peace
- Internet Validation – no more making comparisons
- Painful childhood trauma – the past cannot be changed, I can only continue to heal.
How was 2018 for you? What did you accomplish or didn’t accomplish? What are you choosing to leave behind in 2018?
Peace & blessings!