Get in loser, we’re unpacking our negative self body images.
This post was inspired by Simi Moonlight. She recently made a post about the top 4 things she has unlearned about her body, you can read it HERE. Simi is a huge inspiration to me so I was compelled to do my own version of this blog topic.
My relationship with my body has been opposite of the norm. While most people want to lose weight and be skinnier, I was wishing for the opposite. Just because I was skinny did not make me exempt from the body shaming and years of low self-esteem.
1. Being skinny means that you have an eating disorder and don’t like to eat.
I can not stress how much I hate this myth, it used to make me feel so bad about myself. First of all, I loved food but no matter how much food I ate I would never gain any weight. Sometimes I would force myself to eat as much food as possible, even when I wasn’t hungry. Wow, I’m literally crying as I type this..
Aaand I’m back!
I didn’t understand that my weight had a lot to do with genetics and having a high metabolism. Most of the women in my family all started off skinny and gained their weight closer to their 20’s or after childbirth. If you ever saw my grandma for example- she has hips, thighs, and booty for days. I thought the thick gods skipped me. I couldn’t get past 99 pounds to save my life. After getting on antidepressants and birth control in my early 20’s, and with increased calorie intake, I began to gain weight. I’ve realized that after the early 2000’s, being skinny wasn’t “popular” anymore. From the 2010’s and beyond, the media has been glorifying thick/slim thick women like crazy from Nicki Minaj, Megan Thee Stallion, the Kardashians, etc. It’s hard out there for skinny women nowadays.
2. You can gain weight but not belly fat.
I don’t know what planet people are living on but when you gain weight, your stomach may be one of the places that gets a little pudgy if you aren’t working out at the same time you’re bulking. As soon as I gained weight and started to love my body, here came the unwanted “fat” shaming comments from my close family: “You getting a little big aren’t you?”, “what happened?”, “you don’t need to eat all that”, “damn you bigger than me now”, “you need to lose some of that thigh fat”, “you’d look better in that outfit if you were a little smaller”. Keep in mind, I’m only somewhere between 130-140 pounds right now with a little stomach fat but in my families opinion- I’m getting too big. So, of course here I go running to the gym like a dumb ass to impress people.
3. Men like women who look like such and such / it’s important to live up to your partners body type preferences.
I’ve learned that people are never going to be satisfied with shit. I’m at the point where you gon’ get whatever the fuck body I give you. Take it or leave it. Men are clearly “visual lovers”, they like anything with boobs that walk by in a short skirt (not up for debate). Trying to please my partners and my family drove me crazy, literally. It’s like I was trying to lose weight, get thick, and get abs all at the same time.
If we lived in a world where women didn’t have to worry about the opinions of men, I believe we would actually have the chance to love ourselves and wouldn’t feel the need to make alterations. Women be going hard as hell in the gym, only to find out their man is cheating with a big girl. Ain’t that some shit?. Believe me, it happened to me and I really had to sit down and ask myself: why the hell am I trying so hard to please these people?.
4. Posting pictures of your body and wearing revealing clothing means that you are seeking attention / have no respect for yourself.
So basically, I can now be confident in my body but I have to cover it up to be respected?. I can’t lie, I believed this one for the longest time. I never took pictures in a bikini or posted full body pictures at all out of fear of negative comments and the fact that I’m currently dealing with body dysmorphic disorder, where I constantly pick out my flaws. But, for the first time ever I posted selfies in a cropped tee and panties on my Instagram page, and I felt damn good about it.
I’m still learning to stop being so hard on myself and my body. It’s levels to this shit and there’s more things I’m in the process of unlearning but I’ll leave it at these 4 things, for now.
We are living in times where the pandemic has caused us to be more sedentary than usual, so many of us have put on weight, and that’s okay. All that matters is whether YOU like YOUR body, and that you are doing what’s best for YOU and nobody else. Do you love your body? are you in good health? should be the only questions you ask yourself. A real man or a real woman is going to be attracted to your confidence not your body.
So, my last advice is to start treating your body with care and be more kind to yourself. After your shower, while you’re applying lotion or whatever you like to use to moisturize, look in the mirror while you’re doing it, take your time, caress and hug yourself, and start thanking your body for all it’s done for you. Turn your negative self talk into positives. Write down and say out loud the things you love about your body.
Confidence is a process and a journey, and you are not alone.
Till next time,