I think I might be the problem.

Toxic traits refer to habits, behaviors, and ongoing actions that harm others. Many toxic traits (like self-centeredness) can be subtle, and we want to see the best in people. Naturally, identifying toxic people in your life can be tricky.

Betterup.com.

A personality trait is a characteristic that influences how a person thinks, feels, and acts. It is a part of who they are. Personality traits make up a person. For example, a person’s level of introversion or extroversion is a trait. 

While they usually stay the same, traits can change over time due to factors like:

  • Experiences 
  • Belief systems
  • Major life stages

When discussing traits, we need to draw a line between a “trait” and “behavior.” Traits are often innate. Behaviors, on the other hand, are actions we have control over. For example, a person’s level of “openness” is a trait. But “lying” is a behavior. “

Betterup.com.

Today, I am identifying the toxic traits of the person I know best…

ME!

Active Traits:

  1. Pickiness (also- Indecisiveness). I can be very picky, I change my mind often, and I take the longest time making the simplest decisions. This trait has also caused me to be a procrastinator. I will procrastinate up until the last minute, stressing myself out the whole time. But the funny thing is, I produce some of my best work when I’m under pressure like that. Me taking my time ensures that I’m going to make the right decisions- which most of the time, I do.
  2. Tardiness. This is the biggest trait I’m trying to work on because it has affected every area of my life. I’ve been late to work, late for dates, and so many other important occasions to the point where I’m sick of my own shit. I have missed entire events before. I can’t even say I be fashionably late; I be LATE late and that’s not cute. Getting ready is like an all-day process, I’m usually contemplating on my outfit the most or psyching myself out about something cause I’m nervous/anxious. If you want me to be on time for something you must lie to me and tell me to be ready 2 hours before I actually have to be ready.
  3. Laziness. I’m kind of debating if I truly have a laziness trait because I know how to get things done when I need to. My issue is, I be wanting to do it on my own time/when I feel like it. I’d finish one thing on my to-do list and then I’ll reward myself with a long break and a treat. Kicking back with my feet up because duh- self-care! At times I’ll complain and complain but will be too unmotivated to actually do something to make my situation better.
  4. Conflict Avoidance. In my defense, at least I don’t enjoy arguing or have anger issues. I feel like I avoid conflict for my own sake and sanity rather than because I’m fearful of the other person. I don’t like being yelled at or feeling disrespected or criticized, so I’ll take myself out of the situation before that even happens. Even if it’s just a serious conversation (with no arguing), I will still try to avoid it because it feels uncomfortable. I’m starting to realize that it’s best to just clear the air and get it over with instead of letting things boil over. When in conflict, I’m the type of person that will burst into tears when I’m mad and that’s so annoying.

Inactive Traits:

These are traits I’ve been indirectly/directly labeled mostly during my teen years and early 20’s. After experiencing life and maturing, I have certainly humbled myself.

  1. Impulsiveness. This trait humbled me really quick. I was especially very impulsive with my money. I never considered the consequences because I always felt like money can be made back or I can just pay it off later. Being an impulsive shopper/buyer has gotten me into a lot of hot water with my credit. I’m still trying to dig myself out of the hole I put myself into. Debt is no joke. I had a very unhealthy relationship with money. As evident in my stacktober money saving tips blog post, ya’ll already know about the large unnecessary purchase that I made in 2019. Growing up, no one ever taught me anything about money management so the outcome of that was learning things the hard way.
  2. Sneakiness. If getting away with crime was a person? it be me LOL. I was sweet, quiet, and reserved which made it easier to do my dirt without anyone knowing or suspecting. A walking “Unusual Suspects” episode. I was also pretty good at manipulating someone to do what I wanted.
  3. Self-Centeredness. There’s a difference between being confident and self-centered. I had no understanding of that back then. A bad case of “only child” syndrome- I thought the world literally evolved around me. Nowadays, I’m so happy to say I genuinely care about the wellbeing of others. Making other people feel good, makes me happy. I’ve become very confident in myself over the years, and I don’t take my growth for granted. This world is much bigger than me.
  4. Stinginess. Stingy with my possessions, time, and money. Honestly, I’m still a little stingy with my money because I worked hard for it and its mine. I know for a fact, ‘The Tinder Swindler’ would never happen to me cause you not ’bout to swindle me out my credit or my wallet. Anyways, when you didn’t grow up with luxuries and then you finally get nice things it can go to your head real fast. I’ve learned the only way to an abundant life is to give freely to others. The more you give, the more you receive. If there was someone truly in need and I’m able to help them out, I wouldn’t hesitate. Do unto others the way you want others to do unto you. The tables can always turn.

My Toxic Behaviors

  • Not texting back or answering phone calls. Also, ghosting when I lose interest.
  • Smiling to hide the pain and saying, “I’m okay” or “it’s fine” and then getting mad when the other person actually believes that I’m okay and doesn’t read my mind lol.
  • Being too nice to people who don’t deserve it.
  • I can be very dramatic and overly sensitive. I blame my water sign placements and not being able to openly express my emotions as a child.

The Importance of Shadow Work

 Shadow work is self-actualizing those ignored and neglected shadow aspects that come from unresolved experiences or perceptions.  Psychologist Carl Jung developed shadow work to bring self-awareness to our own shadows. the meaning of shadow work is ultimately your inner work of self-actualization. It is the integration of those hidden or detached parts of your personality, that you previously viewed as so terrifyingly negative that you had to hide it away, to become part of your wholeness.

qhhtofficial.com

Of course, shadow work can be ugly, because nobody wants to admit or point out the dark side of themselves. That’s what self-actualizing is all about- embracing the light + the dark. Starting my spiritual journey saved my life. I have gained so much clarity, wisdom, and self-love. I’m becoming a person that I actually like and a person that people want to be around. It’s important to point these things out so that you can take the steps to change.

How to realize you’re being toxic and that you need to change? simply put, you will know when it’s time to change your toxic ways cause life will feel like it’s crumbling down on you. You’ll start to notice a lack of growth, you will lose friends, relationships will fail, you’ll be unhappy and dissatisfied with everything until you choose to take a long look in the mirror.

-unknown.

Till next time,

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Every since I was in Elementary school, I always kept a diary. I guess you can say, as soon as I learned how to spell and form sentences- I never stopped. Writing is a true passion for me and the cheapest form of therapy. This blog was created as my digital diary and the only one I’m willing to share with the world.

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